I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize