Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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