I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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