I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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