I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
