And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
