PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
