3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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