u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
