i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
