i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We are all done wearing pants today
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
