We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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