evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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