She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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