from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
