never play flip cup with pint glasses
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
