I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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