The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I cannot find my penis.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
