yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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