turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
