how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
