I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
