I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize