There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
