Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
