I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
