i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
