You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
