i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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