Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
