Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
