Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
