At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
