I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
