3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
