Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize