I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
