I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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