We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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