I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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