We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
