Welp...herpes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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