I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
