Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
