2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
