sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My vagina is officially offended.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
