i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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