I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
