I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
