did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
