She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
