i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
