I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We need a shit load of segways right now
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
