This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
