and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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