my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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