Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize