fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This baby is an asshole
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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