I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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