Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and she was petting her beer can
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize