this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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