Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
