my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
