ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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