so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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