Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
