Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
