8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
