Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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