you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
