How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
