rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
