'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
