I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
