Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it's like iHOP with fire
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
